Behold the Kickmen
Patch notes · News · Live player count
About
BEHOLD THE KICKMEN is a football game made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in, what is affectionately known as "The Wonderful Game". Start at the bottom of the Big Boring Football Spreadsheet and grind your way up to become the best at the football anyone's ever seen.
Media Gallery(7)
Detailed
BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke, and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly-incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why, you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.
Patch Notes & Announcements(10)
MINOREARTH MUST DIE, a new game from Size Five!
HEY NO WAY good news everyone. A new game! Are you ready to take on Earth and reclaim your sprawling space-empire? I’m delighted to announce that my next game EARTH MUST DIE is headed to Steam on Janu
MINORLair of the Clockwork God: OUT NOW!
I am delighted to announce that Size Five's newest game 'Lair of the Clockwork God' is OUT NOW. A fast-paced Point-and-Click adventure AND an indie platfomer in one! Join adventurer Ben and wannabe in
MINORv1.050 now live! Menu Controller Support, Gameplay Tweaks AND MORE
HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to a
MINORv1.050 now live! Menu Controller Support, Gameplay Tweaks AND MORE
HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to a
MINORv1.047 Patch Notes
v1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Traini
MINORv1.047 Patch Notes
v1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Traini
MINORv1.046 Now Live! Just some minor bug fixes.
Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with
MINORv1.046 Now Live! Just some minor bug fixes.
Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with
MINORHello, Thank You, and Update Details (v1.044)
Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks s
MINORHello, Thank You, and Update Details (v1.044)
Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks s
You Might Also Like
Popular titles trending on Steam right now.
